Why haven't you responded about the MC? The rest of it sounds positive, particularly the bit about your H articulating what he needed from you with Eldest. Maybe there's hope for him yet I empathise with the being sick of winter, but spring is inching closer, I found daffodills in my garden today
I need to think about this, so thank you for asking.
I guess our last experience of it was awful. Two years ago now, and in the immediate aftermath of me discovering his EA. I sat there either silent, or crying, or raging. H generally wanted to outline to me how his infidelity and abusive behaviour was my fault. The MC advised I should leave him alone and see my friends more because he was clearly too angry to engage with me. She never once challenged him on his blame or abusive behaviours (he was verbally abusive to me in front of her) and this seemed to give him the green light - we only went eight times over two / three months - and I did force him to go under the threat of divorce so what did I expect - but many many many times since then he's said that if his behaviours were abusive, the therapist would have called him out on it. He doesn't do that any more, but all in all it wasn't a helpful experience and probably hindered things. Looking back, it was wrong of me to force him into therapy. I should have thrown him out and gone totally dark on him until the EA was over, he'd worked on his anger and come back ready to work on things.
But here we are. I do believe he wants to work on things and doesn't want to behave as he has. He is trying, and he slips back into old habits when tired or stressed or feeling threatened. As do I. I do want to work on things too. And I don't think either of us know how to. And there's so little trust between us - understandably enough. So we'd be prime candidates for MC. I am dragging my heels about it because I can't bear one more session of listen to him whine about how his hard feelings are my fault, or criticise me for approaching things differently to him, or minimise his abuse and emphasise my shortcomings. I just don't want to hear it. And I suspect if we are to get the most of out MC I will need to STFU and listen to more of that tripe before we get to the more constructive parts. And I just really really really don't want to. I've wasted enough of my prime listening to a grown man whining.
