For over a year I have been becoming the best me I can be. I have been working out 5-6 days a week and devoting all of my efforts into being the best husband and father a man can be (I know not the best DBing, but I struggle so much with detaching). During this year, I could not understand how my wife could go from loving me to not caring about me at all. I could not understand why she wasn't responding positively to all of my changes. Well, now I know. She was devoting 100% of her efforts to try to get a guy who lives over 6 hours away to love her. "Going to unprecedented levels to gain his attention."
I feel like everything she has told me over the past year has been a lie, except for one statement she made to me in July--"You are the partner I have always wanted, but it is complicated." I know why it is complicated now. There is another Fing dude. This guy has a family and it seems as if he emotionally withdrawals from my wife. He recently did this over Christmas and hurt her. The letter to herself that I found suggests that she know this relationship will never work, he will never leave his wife and she should end it. She of course told me that it was just a fantasy and that she has ended it. Additionally, she wants me to believe that this affair had nothing to do with our marriage problems. I can't trust anything she says.
For months I have been telling myself that I would feel better about myself and my situation if there was an affair. It would explain so much, and I could quit beating myself up so much. But I can't get the affair out of my mind. Facebook is giving me a friend suggestion of a guy from my wife's hometown where I have no mutual friends with him. I have never seen anything like it. Now I am jumping to the conclusion that my wife blocked me fro seeing that he is a mutual friend, but maybe my mind is just jumping to conclusions.
I still suck at DBing. I am getting better at making myself better. I am focusing on my physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual health. This is helping me. But now I am dieing inside about this affair.
