Hi, HesAble. wayfarer makes some great points that were helpful for me too. It definitely has not helped me feel any better/sane to assume everything H did/does is to hurt or affect me in some way. He's not a complete alien monster; he's hurting. I have no idea what's going on in his head, and I don't think he could articulate it fully even if he wanted to. I mean, as far as he expressed it, the main issue was/is me—I am the sole cause of his pain and unhappiness. But, no, it's not about me. Or you. Our Hs are on journeys it may be hard for us to empathize with, but I feel better, and less bitter, when I try to and can. It helps to remove myself from the equation: he's not acting the way he's acting because of me; he's not directing his actions toward me; he's just there, and I'm just over here, observing. It was hard for me to get used to, though, not automatically wanting to take everything personally.
A spa-at-home evening sounds lovely! I'm thinking about making some kind of bread for a late breakfast on Sunday.
