Cross countries separation EU

[Pack_19]

hi Sandi! thanks a lot for coming back, as always! I hope you are fully recovered now! I keep coming back and forth back and forth. This is a nightmare.

I have stopped biting my nails, I am in much better shape and I practice active listening with anyone I talk to but then these days come and I end up wanting to call her when I am back in Spain to see the children just to test the waters. I have never felt so alone in my entire life. I am in a country I came for work and with my family, in a city where every corner reminds me of them and I have no strong support here. I spent 2 hours yesterday at home watching old top gear episodes (my fav tv show) and that felt ok but I quickly trigger alarms in my head saying no escape mechanisms as TV Paco! Get out and get a life.

Being at home is the worst feeling of loneliness ever, I am there and my head is playing back the words she said during our domestic separation: "this is our home only because YOU wanted to"...

God knows I dont want to go back to our old R because it was rotting with time and lack of dedication but I never thought she would leave and take our children. When I think is been 3 months since she left I calm down but them I think it has been 6 since she told me it was over and then I think "how on earth is she not more calm down and talks to me about this hell we are living??"

I know I am here for the long run and it has been my decision to try and revert her decision the only way it is possible but I am starting to believe that for my W it will be very easy to be happy without me given the way she has kicked anything that reminds her of me out of her life while I am the stupid one that gets stuck behind. I am no victim, make no mistake there, I just value our family more than anything now and it shocks me she does not the same.

thanks a lot for all your help! hugs Sandi!