This reminds me a little of the discussion on wayfarer's thread about how much of yourself to share, and may I think had some good points about when you might depart a bit from DBing but stay true to your beliefs. Maybe you can try writing out a fuller letter of everything you'd want to say if you held nothing back, just as an exercise. I did this a few times early on, but I realized I was writing to my old H, and, like you said, it's not the same as writing to someone who doesn't seem fully "there" right now. Maybe writing it out will help you separate what he does/doesn't know from what you just feel the need to make sure he knows again. He probably knows you think you can come back from this, right? That you don't think S or D has to be the answer. If it comes up, I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing to apologize for something specific you do feel like you need and want to take responsibility for.
There are so many strange, awful, hard parts of this, but one is feeling like the communication you had with your partner is gone, in my case at least, pretty much overnight. That easy, everyday conversation about whatever, and the deep conversations too. There is a lot unsaid! Some days lately I feel a bit powerful that I don't engage him first anymore—and that he's talking to me here and there anyway. That could change at any time. It used to be agonizing for me to sit in silence in the other room. But, yeah, some days I feel that missing piece of my heart, and it's too much.
