Thanks BenB

[BenB]

M, don´t make the mistake I made here. Don´t talk to SIL about your W. I did that far too many times in my sitch until it finally hit me that she will be sharing all of this with W. I was very close to her sister. We were friends before I met W and she introduced me to her. But still, they are family and you don´t want you W thinking that you always talk about her. Especially not after she sent you a text like that last time.

The legal systems with divorce, custody and all that are different but the whole cultural differences concern is just your brain trying to put doubt in you. I did exactly that the first few months and my therapist would agree, basically saying that I should take everything I read here with a grain of salt because we´re talking about USA, not Scandinavia. I would say this to myself to justify not following DB principles when it suited me. I wish I hadn´t.

But you shouldn´t worry about that because these differences don´t change how you are supposed to behave and DB. They might change some details but the basic principles remain the same. Follow the advice here and you will be a better person for yourself and everyone around you. And if your W returns and you then still want her in your life, that´s just a bonus. The goal is you right now, you can only control yourself so take advantage of that.