I don't know, she just makes very little effort to actually get divorced. She has made plenty of effort to be separated, you would not be able to tell I have a wife if you were just a stranger looking at my life, but no effort to finalize it. She even still continues to pay her portion of the bills which I find very odd, it's all on auto pay, so again, just very little effort, like it's to much work to turn that off or something.
It probably doesn't help to tell you we see this same lack of taking care of business from WW's all the time. She doesn't want to be your "wife", yet she is hesitating to legally set the D in motion. IMHO, part of it is due to her own selfish mindset (having a backup plan) and part of it is her wanting some type of control over your life. This why WW's in an affair will get very curious about the LBH's personal life.......asking if he is dating, suggesting he has a GF, etc. It's b/c she doesn't want her position in his life to be replaced by a new woman. Although your WW doesn't want to commit or put forth the necessary work to save this M, she doesn't want anyone else in your heart/life. I know how insane that sounds, but her mindset is pretty messed up at this point. Currently, she doesn't want you......but she doesn't want another woman to have you. She wants you to remain available to her, to use as her buddy, confidant, whatever. Furthermore, if she senses you pulling away, she will try various means to trap you in an emotional spin cycle.
See how she projected on you when you told her you weren't interested in talking to her? Just stick to your guns, and stay strong, b/c she will probably try to test you in other ways. We've read all type of scenarios where the WW played nice; slept with the LBH; shed tears about how he could never love her again; etc. and etc. You can't believe any of this type of stuff from the WW. She's nowhere close to being serious whenever she approaches her LBS this way. Oh, and if she starts the "poor me" talk, just remember that in her mindset everything is about her. She's looking out for #1, and if that means having to play on your emotions to keep you on the back burner......then that's what she'll do.
What should a LBH expect if his WW comes to her senses and wants to reconcile? If she is genuine, she'll be very humble. There should be no signs of stubborn pride from her. There should be no haughtiness in her attitude, speech, or behavior. She should be seeking forgiveness and have a humble willingness to do whatever it takes to save the M. If she comes in with a list of demands for you........then forget it, b/c this will not be a woman who is ready to do the work. LBH's have to be very strong, b/c some WW's are very cunning. Don't be like some guys who want their family back so badly that they don't hold out long enough for the wayward to seriously want him back and will cooperate with what he requires to reconcile. Too many H's will not stand up to the WW, and she marches back home when her fantasy sours, tells him to sleep in the basement or wherever, and she is in charge. They don't reconcile, they just abide under the same roof, which I've read can sukk the soul out of a man.
Being physically separated will give you space and time to work on yourself. Some guys think it means to improve themselves as a husband. You can't do it when she's with another man! Use this time to zone in on your personal faults and improve yourself as a man. She lost respect for you as a man, first. She'll have to regain respect before the natural desires for her H will return to her. Don't worry about how she'll see your improvements. That becomes a distraction the LBH sets up for himself, and the changes don't last.....b/c he was only using it to get his W back. If you really work on self esteem, your confidence will improve, and with enough growth.....you will have quality people coming to you.
Currently, you are experiencing some confusion about how you truly feel for your W. She's confused about her feelings, too. Her confusion is not like your confusion, b/c she's willingly allowed herself to engage in a lifestyle that was previously off limits by her own moral code. That's what is so shocking for her H and loved ones. This is not the same person they knew. It's not the same for her, either, and it's rather exciting b/c she is being the "bad girl" who is rebelling against her H, her M, her previous morals/religion, etc. At some point, I hope she will decide to do the right thing. I believe the WW has to experience some type of personal loss, in order for her to come to her senses. I want to add something to that statement, b/c I read stories from LBH's who say they don't know how much more loss his WW could withstand. Here's the kicker. Unless she reveals what it was.......nobody may ever know. Another important fact is that her loss doesn't guarantee a reconciliation. It opens her eyes, and she may initially experience remorse, shame, etc. However, she is not instantly changed back into the girl you married. Her LBH could be in a new M, or she could have married her affair partner. I mean, when there is a quick divorce, and the spouses move on, it happens. The LBH may never hear her utter the words of deep remorse for what she did to him, and their family. I'm just being real here.
On a more positive note, there are reports of WW's who did eventually come to their senses. (I hope you know what I mean by come to their senses). There's no way of predicting how long it takes, b/c it depends on the individual situation. The reason I encourage LBH's to stand tall with much courage and dignity, and not become his WW's puppet.......is b/c of it's impact on her level of respect for him, thereby increasing the chances of successful reconciliation. The bottom line for every WW is lack of respect for her H. It can take on the form of other things, but at the bottom there is always, always......disrespect. Resentment, selfishness, and disrespect feeds rebellion.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
