-- no matter what he is saying, he IS torn and confused and sad. You saw that in his responses and his tears. -- if it was so hellish at home, he'd be gone. Don't feel guilty about him sleeping on the couch or whatever. It is his choice. -- his head is so far up his own backside right now that he probably simply *can't* see you where you are and really understand what you need or what you're saying or showing him. Maybe it helps to think of him like a brain-damaged person. He just doesn't have the tools right now to deal with you or his feelings about you/OW/life generally. -- you need to do what you are comfortable with in terms of showing him your vulnerability or not. I think the DB stance would be DO NOT and since that seems to align with your own comfort space I would go with it.
Sometimes a good cry is what you need. Maybe write everything you want to say down in a letter and put it away. Maybe sometime you can give it to him, or not.
You got this, wayfarer. Re-read your own thread. (*I* read your old posts for strength all the time!!)
((HUGS))
I did not find the welfare queen comment funny. I’m the one who threw the term at him. I do now a bit but at the time not at all. He compared me to his D’s mother and said “Your plan is just kicking it expecting me to pay for two household.” He and I grew up on government cheese and peanut butter. (Any one from the UK reading this I’ll be happy to explain) we’ve both worked since we were in our early teens for survival not just nice things. The fact that he was acting like I just wanted his money for poops and giggles or so I could get a handbag I don’t know was super infuriating at the time.
I really needed the “things to keep in mind.” Today was a rough day. Not a hopeless day. Not a challenging day. I just couldn’t shake how he made me feel flipping out and yelling the way he did. The old H wouldn’t have been like that. And it’s hard to adjust when the alien come flying back after weeks of being gone. And that kind of accusatory yelling triggers me. Back to childhood and my junkie ex. CPTSD is no joke. So shaking that crappy flashback feeling today was super hard. I couldn’t concentrate. But this helped me with some relief.
I did write him that letter. I think I need to revise it when my head is in a better space. And maybe I’ll read it someday. Who knows.
