Yail: RE; Jack... thanks for pointing that out about focusing on my wants and needs. Yes...you are right. I need to shut up about what I hope he will figure out. While I do love him, it is not the love that I would need to have to venture down the marriage path again. Now if he did the work and our paths crossed five years from now and he was single and I was single...maybe. I would definitely need to see this new positive person and know that it was a permanent change. I think if he can manage it, however, he will meet someone else and that will be for the best.
RE: Brook. He is a definite extrovert actually. Even more so than me. However the best friend betrayal has caused him to retreat because of how close this person is. Not just because he has known him for most of his life but because they are coaches together as well. Brook coaches the senior girls and his friend coaches the juniors. It is a small community...one high school. If this got out, it wouldn’t just impact Brook and his XW and friend but the coaching community, the players, etc... I am sure he is feeling very overwhelmed.
I had a similar experience in my first M. My H had an EA that was about to become a PA had I not intercepted an answering machine message from the woman (a friend of mine and the partner of one of my H’s best friends). It ended the second I found out about it and I took the high road. I didn’t tell her partner because they had kids and my H was in a band with him and a bunch of other close friends. It would have destroyed our friend group and ultimately I’m not sure my H could have emotionally survived it. I also understood why it happened. I knew there was a space between my H and I and if it hadn’t been there, she would not have been a threat. I also knew the problems in her relationship.
Three months after I found out, I found myself sitting in a pub with her and her partner after a wedding that my H was in. He was doing the picture thing and her partner invited me to sit with them... I didn’t have a good enough reason not to. Anyway...I got up to go to the bathroom and she followed me. Started crying and apologizing the second we got into the bathroom. I told her I was fine and that, in fact, my marriage was stronger than ever and that I forgave her. It felt good. We eventually did divorce, as friends, but it wasn’t because of that. She and I were never good friends again though. Anyway...I told Brook this story and told him that while he is having an emotional reaction, he may want to think about taking the high road as I think he would ultimately be glad that he did.
I think you are right DnJ. I think he will gather himself. He just needs to wrap his head around everything and choose a path for himself. One of the things he texted today was to assure me that I am not a poor judge of character. I am glad I chose the direct approach.
