Well unchien, you've posted some very insightful things to me, and for that I'm grateful. I vote that as a reason you might consider staying, as long as it is beneficial in some way to you.
Most folks here talk about DB as if it's this cut and dry thing and I am of the mind it is NOT. It's a few guidelines to help you retain your sense of self with the hopes of improving your R. I posted a rant a long time ago about how there are some here who imply that if you don't DB "correctly" (according to????) you have a lower chance of reconciling. Hogwash. Maybe the real value of these boards is not to adhere to a specific set of rules, but to simply have a live sounding board of folks who have lived it along side you.
I stayed on the boards despite my disagreement with many here. Because there are some really cool folks, and hopefully you've identified a poster or two that just kind of gels with you and the approach you choose to take. Some people who can help you talk through your emotions which change every two seconds. It's way cheaper than therapy (though that's important in many cases as well).
Some might say this is a marriage-saving board. It is. Until it isn't. There are times when stepping away is the best thing to do. I honestly believe the reason I don't hate my XW is because I walked away relatively early when I saw that was her choice. I wasn't going to chase her. If I kept fighting the inevitable I think I would have grown to resent her. Now she's just someone who isn't in my life anymore. But the future? Who knows. It is 100% unwritten. I loved her once, who knows what I might feel for her 5 years from now, but honestly that doesn't take up my brain-space. Right now I only care about 2020 and all the amazing things I'm going to bust my behind to accomplish.
All this to say...this online space is what you want it to be. Make the choice that resonates with you.
