I'm trying to step back and realize the mediator just makes suggestions. No decisions. Suggesting all kinds of options, some of which are completely unpalatable. It feels like trudging through quicksand.
It's hard to sit and negotiate your entire life -- time with your kids, assets, money. All of it. With the one person you thought would be there for you.
Emotionally I'm sucked back into the anxiety vortex and it s*cks. It feels like moving out and working FT are suddenly bad things... reasons to have less time with the kids, reasons to pay more support money. I understand my W probably has her own anxieties. I also feel taken advantage of. I'm sure she feels screwed over by moving here and our lives falling apart due to UC's issues.
As always in these situations, Option C was the result today. Not Option A (Mediation is working!) or Option B (Mediation is not working!). Just Option C - I guess we are mediating now and it feels like no progress was made.
Why do I keep posting on a DB website at this point? I have no clue. I feel better prepared to handle my emotions due to this place, and it has been a major support network for me. I know I've stated these feelings in the past and people encourage me to keep posting. It's probably time for me to ramp down and consider moving to D support networks, and check in here from time to time like many others do.
