There have been some developments that have clarified some things for me. Eye opening day. Texts from both Brook and Jack.
Brook...Finally got tired of thinking about it so sent him a text this morning that I think being honest and direct is the best policy and if he has changed his mind about wanting to get together, it was totally okay and he didn't need to ghost me. I had a life before we started talking and I would have a life after. Told him I didn't want things to be awkward between us as I know we will eventually run into each other because of basketball. Wanted him to know there were no hard feelings, that I think he is a great person (despite the ghosting) and I wished him the best. Three hours later he texted me that he is sorry he hasn't texted. He recently found out that what he suspected about his ex during their marriage was true (sleeping with one of his best friends who is also his daughter's basketball coach) and he is feeling betrayed and blindsided and has some anger he is trying to work through so has been distancing himself from everyone. He went on to say that he thinks I am amazing and that he would like to reconnect after he works through this. WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY SO?!? Like I wouldn't understand this particular scenario? He says he is over his ex per say but it is the betrayal that has really rocked him and also because he asked her about it when they were married and she denied everything. Anyway...I told him not to worry, that he could take all the time and space he needs and I have absolutely zero desire to try to force anything between us and that I've been there. He just needs some time and perspective to work it out and while he's doing that, I'll just be living my life.
And then there is Jack... He texted me to let me know that our break up revealed some things he didn't like about himself. He went back on meds for depression and anxiety and he feels like a different person. He has reconnected with his family and is generally a more positive, happier person to be around. He apologized for not being the man I needed him to be. Said he had a lot of thoughts and fears intertwined and has been trying not to think about me as he doesn't want to create a relationship in his head that doesn't exist in reality. I asked what thoughts and he said thoughts of … "If only I could integrate you fully in my life and family and be outgoing and positive and marry you and take care of you and yours..." I didn't know what to say. I just thanked him for his openness and honesty and told him that I think he needs to continue on this journey of self discovery and figure out who he is and what he wants apart from a relationship with someone. I also said that I hoped we would be able to be friends one day and that once the hurt had faded, I was confident he would be happy I made the decision that I did.
So...there you have it... What a day! Made plans to hang out with Buddy a bit this weekend. Going to watch some basketball. Brook will be there but I already told him I am going there to hang with Buddy and not to worry that I am stalking him or anything crazy like that. He told me it is all good and it will be nice to see me. Also have to fit in some pool practice and some study time for my interview.
