Riding the Wave 2

[may22]

(((((wayfarer)))))

I had somehow missed your earlier post last night.... It is the absolute worst when it *seems * like things are all going great and yet they're not.

Whenever I had R talks in the same place you are now, I always wished I hadn't... but then also was glad I had a better sense of what was really going on. Don't worry about not DB-ing. You were authentic and you didn't play into what maybe he was (subconsciously) fishing for, either a "yay yes, so looking forward to April 1, you're totally off the hook" or turning into a raging b**ch so he can justify why he wants to leave. (And welfare queen? Really? I hope you can just laugh at that.) It very well could be that the nice daily interactions fed an impression that you were fine with just being friends. I know that has been the case with my H during spots of all of this. Not to say you shouldn't do it, but they're so desperately wanting to be given permission to do whatever it is they want/need to do without hurting you that I'm sure they will glom onto any bit of "evidence" that feeds that fantasy.

Things to keep in mind:

-- no matter what he is saying, he IS torn and confused and sad. You saw that in his responses and his tears.
-- if it was so hellish at home, he'd be gone. Don't feel guilty about him sleeping on the couch or whatever. It is his choice.
-- his head is so far up his own backside right now that he probably simply *can't* see you where you are and really understand what you need or what you're saying or showing him. Maybe it helps to think of him like a brain-damaged person. He just doesn't have the tools right now to deal with you or his feelings about you/OW/life generally.
-- you need to do what you are comfortable with in terms of showing him your vulnerability or not. I think the DB stance would be DO NOT and since that seems to align with your own comfort space I would go with it.

Sometimes a good cry is what you need. Maybe write everything you want to say down in a letter and put it away. Maybe sometime you can give it to him, or not.

You got this, wayfarer. Re-read your own thread. (*I* read your old posts for strength all the time!!)

((HUGS))