Doing my thing and hope for the best

[HesAble]

The other day he was talking on the phone with his friend, and I overheard him saying that he’s been an absent father....etc and he feels bad about what happened, but he does not feel guilty.

My first reaction was WHAT??? How does he not feel guilty about this whole thing??? Then I thought about why I was feeling that way. Why do I want him to feel guilty? Do I think he should feel guilty? I know he loves the kids and would do anything for them. I know he tried very hard to not be the distant father his own dad was. But he isn’t doing anything like that anymore. If it is his inability to do so, then I do not need him to feel guilty.

I try not to dwell on these things though. I understand it is pointless. Analyzing his words and actions.

Sorry you are dealing with all this, wooba. I sometimes wonder if my H is turning into a functioning alcoholic. He has gotten into trouble with the law concerning public intoxication in the past. Last week I found a large vodka bottle that was almost empty hidden in his closet and now, when I checked again this week, it is completely gone. He spends a lot of nights away and I am not sure if he is out drinking, but I suspect it.

I want my H to feel guilty for all the damage he is causing to our family too, but I do not sense that he does. What justification on earth could possibly lead a father to neglect his children and disregard their feelings? I just don't get it and probably never will. My H has no moral compass. Whatever emotional turmoil he is going through has seemingly wiped out his conscience totally. As much as I thought I loved H, it is extremely difficult to continue loving someone unconditionally who acts like a crazed addict and who hurts his family with no remorse.