The other day he was talking on the phone with his friend, and I overheard him saying that he’s been an absent father....etc and he feels bad about what happened, but he does not feel guilty.
My first reaction was WHAT??? How does he not feel guilty about this whole thing??? Then I thought about why I was feeling that way. Why do I want him to feel guilty? Do I think he should feel guilty? I know he loves the kids and would do anything for them. I know he tried very hard to not be the distant father his own dad was. But he isn’t doing anything like that anymore. If it is his inability to do so, then I do not need him to feel guilty.
Yeah this is something LBS's often have to face. Their WAS can feel "bad" and even get very depressed and cry and such about the wreckage they've caused, but they still feel JUSTIFIED. They've created a narrative in their head to justify their actions. They've laid the blame on the LBS's doorstep. The LBS makes them unhappy, the LBS should have done more, the LBS drove them into the arms of another person, blah blah blah. This is why we preach detachment. Remove yourself from the equation. Be as "gone" as possible. Let him learn to miss you, and learn that YOU are not responsible for his demons, HE is. If and when he gets there, THEN the guilt will come. But it could be way down the road.
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I try not to dwell on these things though. I understand it is pointless. Analyzing his words and actions.
It's fine (and even healthy) to come here and vent about it as long as you keep that in mind
