Nothing new. I just feel slightly annoyed and impatient these days. Annoyed that he’s smiling at me, telling me that he loves me. Impatient that things are going nowhere, everything is still up in the air.
Last night he came home while I was reading to the kids. I handed the book to him and his immediate reaction was to look at his watch as if he’s on some time crunch to leave.
The other day he was talking on the phone with his friend, and I overheard him saying that he’s been an absent father....etc and he feels bad about what happened, but he does not feel guilty.
My first reaction was WHAT??? How does he not feel guilty about this whole thing??? Then I thought about why I was feeling that way. Why do I want him to feel guilty? Do I think he should feel guilty? I know he loves the kids and would do anything for them. I know he tried very hard to not be the distant father his own dad was. But he isn’t doing anything like that anymore. If it is his inability to do so, then I do not need him to feel guilty.
I try not to dwell on these things though. I understand it is pointless. Analyzing his words and actions.
I wanted to just straight out ask him wth he’s been up to. What he’s thinking. Who he’s hanging out with. But I refrained myself. My mind is always on overdrive, thinking about US and sometimes I just want to dump it all on him.
