Gerda Finally Sees the Broken Fragments

[Gerda]

Hi, Own -- Thank you for the beautiful quote and for thinking of me.

I am sure I go to meet heat and cold and rain and wind. Lately I have noticed how much I enjoy my life and I have noticed that everything seems like an adventure, even hard things, in all other areas. But not D. Not the endless battle and the endless waste of money for nothing except to let H spin his delusions out in court. I think I am a little tired of having no time (and sometimes no energy) left after spending so much time spinning my wheels in H's MLC divorce mud. And I don't think even Chodron would be able to just appreciate and look closely at endless opposition papers and motions from an endlessly deranged mind, the endless screaming.

I think you can appreciate my longing to leap off this gerbil wheel, I think you have the same longing from your wheel with your H's refusal to finalize your D. I mean, surely you aren't telling yourself to meet his endless refusals and feel it, but maybe you are when you say that you are grabbing the popcorn.

The thing is that in Christianity there is a value judgement against evil. It isn't just an ebb and flow. It's an out and out armored battle. I don't want to appreciate any aspect of the divorce process or to observe it without judgement. It is evil and to me that is a fact. I don't want to allow it to become a subjective truth in my mind even if that is a form of peace. I just want to pray that God gives me that peace beyond understanding, if I lean on God, trust God, despite the evil around me.

But I do love the quote and love that you posted it for me. THANK YOU!