22 Years Gone Part 2

[rooskers]

~Continuing my journey~

I got an email telling me XW would be late to pick up D14 for her visitation time. I replied back with "Thank you for letting me know." She ended up not being late but I find it ironic that on New Year's Day when D14 was running behind and was a little late getting out to the car I got a nasty email saying how she has been waiting in the car for 10 minutes and demanding to know where D14 was.

Visitation was another disaster. I was sitting on the couch at around 7:30pm Saturday evening when the door opened and there was D14 who quickly slammed it shut. D14 wasn't expected back with me until evening of the next day. She was crying and extremely angry. I waited to see if she needed me to listen or if she just needed some space. In the end she gave me a coupon for a 2 minute hug that I made for her a couple days previously. I made her a bunch of fun different coupons for things like hugs or board games time. After the hug we sat on the couch and out comes the flood of frustration from D14's mouth. I am currently waiting for the email from my XW blaming me for the shortened visitation and how I am causing extreme distancing, I am manipulative, I am emotionally abusing XW, I am not co-parenting, I am lying, etc... I don't even bother responding anymore because there is no point.

XW continues to tell D14 that I was abusive behind closed doors, I am manipulative, I am controlling, I am not a good parent, I am a liar, etc... XW also tells D14 that she is not healthy if she is angry, she can't be healthy unless they have a relationship, that she shouldn't run away from her problems, and that she needs to have full custody and more visitation so she can help to fix D14. D14 tells her that it is healthy to be angry but not healthy if you act out in inappropriate ways with your anger. D14 tells her it is my choice to have a relationship with you and until you stop lying, admit what you have done, show empathy, and act like an adult, I have no desire to work on anything with you. D14 tells her that she isn't running away from her problems but working on them in therapy. Finally D14 said "dad is not the one who wants me to see you less, I do, so if you say you are taking him to court then what your really saying is you are taking me to court." D14 then said "visitation is about what is best for me not you so since you haven't been listening to me I have gotten a lawyer and am taking you to court so you will be forced to listen to me."

XW likes to tell her half truths and it angers D14 a lot. She told D14 she has been working on her relationship with her mom for months now. D14 calls up her grandma and asks if this is true and her grandma says "well she did email me a couple days ago accusing me of abusing her." XW tells D14 "I tried to get your dad to go to therapy but he wouldn't do it." Well she did say in an email to me a couple months after we were already divorced "you know if you would like to have a mediated discussion with my therapist that is still available." She tells D14 that she isn't lying about being abused behind closed doors but when D14 says "dad said he did no such thing so either he is lying or you are." XW responds "well, I am not lying." D14 responds "then you are calling my dad a liar." XW says "no I am not." D14 says "well if you aren't lying then you are certainly implying he is lying so you are calling my dad a liar." XW then says "I never called him a liar but..." At this point D14 tells her to shut up and goes upstairs, grabs her stuff, and tells her mom to take her home. Her mom then starts crying and says that this is all because you are being manipulated by your dad to hate me. D14 turns to her and says "Dad tells me that he didn't stop you from leaving because he loved you and that is what you wanted. Dad says he misses you but understands you need to journey on your own. I see him working on becoming a better person in therapy and working on what he did wrong in your relationship but he has to guess because you never talked to him but ran away. Dad also is the one who encourages me to have therapy visits with you and asks me to leave open the possibility of having a relationship with you. Dad doesn't talk bad about you unlike you." D14 then got in the car and put on her headphones and refused to talk with her mom the rest of the trip.

I am trying to see a light at the end of this. I just need to keep believing.