Yep-- just because someone is great at supporting blubbering messes doesn't mean she has what you need today.
I think it is OK, healthy and natural to miss these things. I do too. (Though for me it is weird, because physical touch isn't one of my primary LLs (it is his by far) and I was the one flinching away from his touch and cuddles on the couch and in bed for several years because ... oh a lot of reasons, not the least of which I didn't want it to lead to sex.) So for me to miss them now and want them feels weird... do I want it because I don't have it anymore and I want my toy back? (This is what my H thinks) Or, do I want it now because I've truly dug deep through all of this $hit and uncovered some of my insecurities and repressions around sex and physical touch, and I just don't want to be that person anymore-- I want to be physical and romantic and gooey, ideally with H but if not with the next person in my life? (I believe the latter, but I get why my H doesn't trust it.)
Anyway. We actually do touch each other now sometimes, the occasional hug or cuddle on the couch or in bed and it is like every brain receptor is firing this mix of utter relief and happiness and comfort and HOME. I know, know, know I shouldn't be doing this because of the way it makes me feel. It is not conducive to me detaching (plus, yes, the cake). But at the same time, the idea of getting over the missing of him feels sort of wrong.
Sorry, no advice, just understanding and confusion over here.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
