Think of this as a god send, these are little windows into your W's thinking. It will show you what's important to her - so you know what you are in for and better prepared. I am not saying be mercenary. Just like any other negotiation, it is good to know what things the other party values.
We have spent a lot of time on the fence, waiting, watching, hoping. This is when all that meditation, all those breathing excercises will come to the fore. The discussions will be emotional. It will help if you are not.
I completely agree on the little windows. Her reasoning may be convoluted but I think I understand what her stance will be. It also helps me detach further, realizing she has such little respect for my role as a father. It paints a lot of our marital history with a gray tinge -- fair or not -- but that's how I feel right now.
I am definitely more worked up the last few days than I have been in months. It is not a good feeling. It reminds me how I used to feel. It feels a bit like regressing. But I know I am better equipped to breathe, stay calm, and focus on the big picture. I'm sure it's normal to get stirred up at a time like this.
Originally Posted by FlySolo
Oh, and be fair, she is the mother of your children and you will be in each others lives FOREVER but also don't take any crap.
I intend to be fair but firm. Whether or not it makes her life harder, I cannot accept the status quo, nor do I think it is best for the kids.
Originally Posted by may22
My friend did the L-assisted mediation in CA. It worked well for her, and her exH is a controlling, narcissistic d*ck. She didn't love the process but believes it was better than going to court, and having the L help with the mediation cut out a lot of the garbage he was trying to pull. And they had a number of relatively complicated assets and debts.
I'm open to trying without L's first but I have a short leash on it... I think L assistance may save us both time and money in the end (provided of course that we both have L's who support mediation).
My W is controlling for sure. I don't think she will play games (who knows?) but I think she feels entitled to certain things that are not realistic. Once that fantasy bubble pops, I have no clue how she will react. I also don't know if the bubble will pop immediately.
