Perils of piecing - thread 8

[Ready2Change]

Hi Alison,

I have not been following your sitch, just read you last post.

Definitely frustrating when two people speak different love languages and your partner does not know how to meet your needs. As a man, I can relate to your husband. As a long time DBer, I can relate you you. I know my lady wants what you are asking from your husband. It is not natural for me, but I do it because I know it is what she needs. How do you get your H to understand this? I believe it goes back to doing things that are counter-intuitive. You point blank told him what you needed. Is this working?

Doesn't sound like it. So what other options do you have? Maybe an example from my life can help you think of new ways.


Lately, my lady is frustrated with my lack of "helping with the dishes". In the morning, I brush off all the snow on her car, start it so it is warm for her. When she has been saying thank you, I say "My pleasure, thank you for taking care of the dishes". I can tell with this new way of responding to her, that she is less frustrated about the dishes thing.


What are the two of you doing for fun together? I have a standing "Date night" (or two) every week. No R talk. We go out and see live music or she sings karaoke.

I feel extremely angry at him. Hurt. Abandoned.

Totally understandable. How do you let this go? Are these feelings helping you get closer? I have to work hard at forgiveness all the time. I tell myself, fix me. Change the way I am interacting. goggle radical forgiveness. Very good thought process.


I memorized this quote a while back: "Change the way you interact, forces a change in the relationship." Helps me make things better.


What needs of his are you meeting? What needs of his are you not meeting? I am still not a big fan of words, but if needed ,can you reflect his words back to him. " I did this, not because I wanted to, but because I understand your needs ...."

I fall back on "the art of seduction" and do things that are not natural for me, but they work, so I do them. More natural for me now.

I wish you well.

HUGS