Yeah. I’m with Doodler 100 percent. I couldn’t be civil with an OW. With your ex spouse though, you do have to be civil for the kids sake but you don’t have to forgive them. My civility stems more from, I know it’s easier to get more from him and babysitting help from his mom if I’m civil then honest. (And by getting more - it’s more for my son and technically things are nowhere equal to what he should be giving)

I don’t think there is any right way. People, families, cultures are all different. For me personally, I didn’t want my son to see or eventually learn about what his dad did to us and then think his dads actions were OK because I decided to share parties and forgive. (Early on his mom wanted a family birthday party with all of my family and her family for my son and my family refused to go). To me, that would have been like going out for drinks with your rapist. And I didnt Want my son to think it was ok to celebrate with people that abused you because kids tend to copy. Either the abuse and irresponsibility or the being abused and sucking it up.

I really don’t understand the statement that forgiving someone is more for you then for them. It doesn’t make sense to me and i can’t wrap my finger around the concept. Forgiving my ex wouldn’t make me feel good. Moving on with my life and recognizing what a pos he is and how much better my life is without him does.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer