Well I feel stupid. I was feeling good and optimistic after his email (I didnt respond or acknowledge it). I did well after work, we had supper, he took the kids to swimming and then my mom was taking them overnight. I was initially waiting for him to come home like always, but instead went for a bath. When he came in, I forced myself to stay in there longer. I went down after to feed the cat and he told me he was mad and that one of my friends told the wife of one of his coworkers/friends that we were separating and that he didnt want anyone at his work to know.
I remained calm and apologized that my friend told someone else. He reiterated that he didnt want work knowing and that he wasnt even planning on telling his counselor tomorrow.
I didnt apologize for telling my friend or try to explain or justify myself.
I did leave the house though. I needed to break down and wouldn't do it there. I knew something was coming because every time the girls sleep out, he reminds me that he still wants out.
I know not to believe what he says and half of what he does, but him saying he wasnt telling his counselor made me feel like I wasnt even worth mentioning Like our almost 2 decades isn't even a blip on his radar.
I keep telling myself that this is a long process, but my mind still dreams of him walking in the door and telling me he loves me. I dont know if I'm strong enough
