Moved over from Newcomers...

[Wanted1]

I don’t think that you have to forgive in order to avoid being bitter or angry. I won’t forgive - but I have no desire for revenge.

I tend to agree with this sentiment. I have no desire to forgive the AP who my XW is still with. It's odd, but I feel more animosity toward him that I do her. Part of that probably comes from the fact that in my sitch, he spent time with my family before the A took place and therefore he was a predator with his sole mission being to destroy my family which in turn affected my kids. Now, he tries to portray himself as this loving man who cares so much about my children. Makes me sick to my stomach. His truth is not what he portrays. Far from it.

With all of that said, I won't forgive him. By forgiveness, I mean show either of them I am OK or that I condone the fact that they are together. If she was with ANYONE else, I'd be completely fine with it/him as long as he was good to my kids. There is just something about him and how he pursued a married woman that he knew had 3 small children that won't allow me to go there.

I look at it from this standpoint: I have no choice but to deal with a cheater in my everyday life in coparenting with my ex. I have to do that. But I don't have to deal with two of them. So, he gets zero respect from me and while I've only crossed paths with him on a handful of occasions thus far, I don't give him the time of day nor even look in his direction. He is nothing to me. My girls have a basketball tournament this weekend. It's my weekend and I'm coaching them. It'll be interesting to see if he decides to show up. If he does, it's on my time with my kids and therefore he isn't allowed in their vicinity. She can come and interact with them, etc., but he isn't allowed to do the same.

I don't view this as anger or bitterness, necessarily. I just made a choice that I'm not going to let him think I'm ok with him just waltzing into my kids lives after what he did to destroy it. I don't dwell on it anymore. I've come to accept the fact that he's going to be around for the foreseeable future, but that doesn't mean I need to allow them to be around him when they are with me. Like I said, if it was ANYONE else, I'd be more accepting of them engaging with the kids on my time. I've drawn a line in the sand and I'm not crossing it at this point in time.