Stranger In My House Part 2

[may22]

Hi HesAble,

I second Wayfarer's recommendation around self-care. I also had an issue I wonder a bit if you're dealing with as well-- I had a difficult time spending money or time doing things just for ME. Kids or family, NBD. But something that was just for me was hard for me to justify, unless it was just a little bit of $ or time. I think that this dynamic isn't all that uncommon for moms especially, and I wonder if that might be something for you to think about a bit. You're really focusing on his behavior and how it is selfish and disrespectful to you... maybe just a little bit of that is motivated by feeling like you're the one standing, you're the one doing all the heavy lifting, you're the one running the household and the kids and doing it all and he's just out and about doing whatever he wants? it feels so galling... but maybe if you can take back a little of your power to say YOU can also do things that make you happy, things just for you, and with enough support and care for yourself right now you might lose a little of caring so much that he's off being irresponsible. My H is actually the one who has encouraged me in this area and I'm really glad he did. Be a little bit selfish. You deserve it and need it.

Also, FWIW... I did look into the legalities of asking my H to leave our jointly owned home and it really isn't all that simple. (I did ask him to go a couple of times in an R convo right after I found out the extent of his A and he said no.) Originally when looking into it, I thought if I filed for D, once he was served I could ask for a temporary injunction to get him out of the home, and technically I could. But turns out in my state judges generally won't grant them unless there is the threat of physical harm or the house is so tiny that it is not feasible for the spouses to live together. Also, in my state, anything he spends on rent or anything else doesn't come out of his assets, but out of our assets jointly (the only exception to this is if one spouse starts spending flagrantly on crazy stuff, then the judge will generally assign those debts to that individual during the D). Unfortunately, it isn't all that simple.

How many things have you done on your GAL list, with or without him? Maybe you can update us every day on one thing you've done just for yourself?