I'd say I still see him as family. Family you love without necessarily liking all the time. Family you let into your inner-self with varying degrees based on the climate of your relationship at that time. Family because we are still running a household together. Outside of family I couldn't possibly name what else I see him as. We have zero emotional or physical intimacy and he's dating some one who isn't his wife, but save for that, everything else about our lives under one roof together is almost better than it has ever been. We talk more openly about finances than ever. Our workload balance at home is more balanced than ever. He does things the second I ask him to instead of ignoring me or doing it on his own schedule like he's one of the kids. In the last couple of weeks he started to spend time with the girls like he was before this mess. He took care of dinner 4 times last week. He hasn't done that since I was away taking care of my mom. He's being incredibly supportive of me running again, neutral topic for both of us I guess, but normally he behaves as if I quit everything I start, (which isn't my actual MO). I have no idea how to label that. What title fits the person who used to be my best friend and lover, who is now my good looking roommate who bangs some chick I don't know, but is becoming a better husband in all the other aspects of our relationship that I wish he had done prior?
Wayfarer, this totally resonated with me... I feel like I'm in the exact same boat. Pretty frustrating in a lot of ways to see your H becoming a better H in all these ways yet being the very opposite in the most central and crucial of ways.
And because I can't do boundaries with him at the moment, we are actually also closer and more intimate both emotionally and physically than we have been in years. Cake-eating, breadcrumbing, whatever... but I'm not doing it for him or for the possibility he'll come back, but for me. I am going to miss the friendship a lot too when this period of limbo is over.
I'm thinking I would be better at boundaries if I couldn't put my H's relationship with AP in a box because she lives so far away. I want to be more like you and Caligirl (who is also the queen of detachment) and figure out how to do this now, because his head is still in the same place (with OW) even if isn't physically with her right now. Are you finding it harder to be detached (besides for specific comments like about your body/looks) when his behavior is so positive in these other ways?
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
