We did not see each other at said event - but he did say he went to our usual spot but didn't see our group (we were on the other side of the street, and in costume, so easy to miss). I had a blast regardless, and didn't try to contact him.
Later on Saturday, I called H and said listen, I accept that you're choosing to not be in this marriage, and won't stand in your way, even though I want to remain your wife. This confused him. He said he isn't making a choice right now. I said not making a choice means he treats me for the most part like we are already D. It was a calm convo. He then asked what I was doing the following day, and said he wanted to come by the house around noon. I asked if he was sure, b/c the day before he said the house made him uncomfortable, and he said he was sure and was just in a weird mental place when he said that.
Yesterday, he came by. Began by working on his car outside, and then he started a long, emotional talk, but it was calm. Lots of tears on both of our parts. He said he knows it's unfair for me, and that every day he wonders if that will be the day I call him and say that I can't wait anymore. I said it's helpful when we are in more contact b/c then I can feel more compassion and understand where he's at. He said he doesn't want to D without having actually tried to work things out with me. He said the main roadblock is his resentment, and that he doesn't currently feel hopeful, but that he is trying (and he definitely has been trying over the past week). I validated. He said he is very worried that with this health stuff it's going to set him back on the work he's been doing on us because there are a lot of trajectories this health stuff can take. I said I understood. He is worried he's going to be miserable to be around, and doesn't want to put me through that, and make things worse between us. I said I feel I can handle it. I also said if he ever has any questions or things he needs to know to help re: resentment, LMK. He said he wants to ask his IC on some more ways to get over that. He did acknowledge that spending time together is part of that. We discussed how we do need strategies to handle difficult things going forward. He listened a lot, too. I felt truly heard, and didn't say anything super new. He did on his own say that he thinks he wants to try to stay at our house next weekend (he will be in town for work the next 2 weekends). He said sometimes he thinks he can handle stuff, and then sometimes not. I said I respect and appreciate knowing that. So, IDK. It was a very productive conversation, and one that didn't wreck us both emotionally. He was at the house for approx 5. hours, and seemed to have a good time (even during the convo).
