I'm a big fan of actions over words. I've had a year to think about this. Nobody wants a slave, and wish people would stay on their own volition and be willing to work torwards earn your trust back rather then rebel against it. I have yet to be put in a situation like that.
If I was put in a reconciliation scenario here is my list of requirements, and here is the behaviors torwards R I would look for.
Requirements: Joint counciling weekly to work torwards healing from infidelity. W would have to initiate such voluntarily at H request. Complete and total access to all computers, phones, passwords, messages, emails, to all accounts on demand. (Do your diligence to make sure none are hidden.) Whereabouts at all times. Total control and access over all financial situations, spending, and statements. Access to all journaling and privacy related things. Access to all medical records and all Dr related appointments. (Think birth control on the sneak.) Definately want a panel of STD tests done on her too. Aware of all gym memberships, rec activities, work collegues, hobbies, errands, appointments, shopping, group meetings, friends, etc.
Behaviors to watch for. Is she getting closer and more affectionate, or pulling away and distant. Does she open herself and communicate and make herself more vulnerable? Or does she harbor resentment? Is quiet, removed, distracted or preoccupied? Does she willingly go out of her way to please you, volunteer her time, her effort, and her sincerity with resolve and commitment? Or does she look for more avenues of escape away from M and a different life? Here is an important one. Agency, culpability, and accountability. Does she admit her wrong doings with sincerity, or does she blame shift them onto you about why she feels a certain way? People do change, but watch for changes in dress, music tastes, hobbies, makeup, intimate apparel, shopping habits, and who it is for.
Sounds very controlling abusive and demanding doesn't it? Let me ask you this question? Who cheated? Who betrayed your trust and the trust of the M? How hard are they willing to work, how many hoops are they willing to jump through to earn back your trust? How much effort and work are they willing to provide? How much action are they willing to take to earn back your love trust and respect when they were the ones that stepped out? Here is the best part. How much are you willing to respect yourself to enforce these boundaries, and compliance of conditions. Add or modify them as you like to suit your needs. There is no one size fits all. But bottom line. You are the prize, and trust is earned not given and actions speak louder than words.
