Hello everybody A lot has happened since the last time I posted here. I dont even know where to begin. I was just starting to come out of my shell and really start to go out with friends and such without worring about what she was thinking. Then I woke up 1 morning and noticed that my leg felt a bit numb. a few days and a emegerncey room trip later. I was loosing the ability to walk and lost most of the function in my right hand. When the doc could finally see me the news was not good. The tumor has doubled in size and crossed over into the other half of my brain. It has also became a Glioblastoma Mulfiforme. The most aggressive and deadly kind. The usual prognosis is 12-15 months. W did not go to appt with me because my dad had come to town to go with me. she had already asked her boss for the time off but we needed the money. neither of us expected to get the news that we got. When I called w to tell her the news she was floored. The doctor put me on a new chemo that gave me my function back. that is the only reason that I am able to type. he says that he expects this chemo to control the tumor for "some months" and wouldnt narrow it down any more than that. he says that he has a few patients who have survived tor years on this and are doing fine. but thats not the norm.
Obfiously im crushed im scared and I dont want to die
that night laying in bed W held my hand all night. She doesnt know what to say and I dont blame her. She doesnt know how to behave around me. She is coddling me and I dont like it I have talked to God again and again about what i should do about her. she has been very tender to me and nice and huggy and i ll cook whatever you want for dinner
Ive probably had the best day ive had in three weeks today we were laughing and talking and she was calling me and asking how I was doing and all that nice stuff. we are planning on having a bunch of people over for the SB tomorrow. Then she said she was going over to friends house and I said thats fine. then I needed to talk to her about food for everybody tomorrow and she wouldnt answer the phone. I called her like 4 times and when she did answer I basically let her have it for not answering and kept asking her why she wouldnt answer. she could probably guess what i was insuating but I couldnt tell. Im scared that she thinks i was accusing her of cheating and have pissed her off.
To be honest I just want to be with my wife again. I want to feel what it feels like to lay with my wife as a man while my body still functions. I want to feel like a man while I still can. I want my wife to hold me and me to hold her and for a moment I dont have cancer. I want to go to work (I still am working) and come home and kiss my wife and hold my son and we go to bed and have the most passionate sex in the world. Because according to the doc, I dont have long of that left.
according to the doc. I dont have time to start a new relationship. maybe but its not likely.
Im scared and alone and I want to remember what it feels like to have that person who is more important than everybody else to love you and the rest of the world and cancer and chemo and fear and regret could just for a moment be gone because that person loves you.
I am sorry to hear this. I pray that things will get better for you. One of my best friends is beating the brain cancer (so far). He focuses on his passions and keeps doing the things he loves.
Glad to hear from you.
R2C
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Hi, ozman. I'm pretty new to the board and I don't know your sitch, but I wanted to say I am so sorry to read your update. I won't pretend to have any advice to offer. It brought tears to my eyes reading your heartfelt words about your wife. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I have had experience with immediate family having this diagnosis several times.
I am so sorry to hear of your prognosis. The most important thing for you to do right now is to keep a positive outlook. I cannot stress that enough. Find ways with your doctor that you can boost your own body's immune system, either medically, with antioxidant foods, and/or through holistic methods that don't interfere with your chemo treatments.
Are there any trips that you could take? Any concerts you would like to go to? People or family you want to see? Now is the time to do those things.
I will pray for you, man. Keep yourself steady and strong.
Just want to let you know I've been following your story and and thinking and praying for you. Thank you for sharing this difficult news and know that there are so many people here who care for you and are rooting for you.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
Oz...there are no words really. Your update really puts things into perspective... I wish I had something to say that would help but everything I think of just sounds like not enough. I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer and I remember really struggling at the time trying to figure out what to say or do that would give him some sort of comfort. I suspect your W may be struggling with the same thing. Trying to deal with her own fear and sadness and wanting to be there for you but also wanting to run away. And then there is your son... for his sake, and yours, try to focus more on him and spending as much quality time with him as you can. Don’t give up hope Oz. There is always hope and miracles do happen. Take care of yourself and do everything you need to do to boost your immune system. Know that there are many, many people who care and who are thinking about you and praying for you. As LH said...stay strong. ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
