I did not enjoy seeing him, he was a bit of an emotional black hole. After seeing him I felt quite depressed that he is so pathetic. I also despised him a bit, I don't like him very much right now. Ding right now would be stupid though financially, so I will stay in limbo a while longer, I don't want to disrupt things before ds1's final exams in June either. I don't really hold out much hope for R, I can see him staying in this pity party for a long time, and nowhere in this is he taking any responsibility for anything in his life. There is nothing I can do about that, and I no longer feel like that is the worst thing ever. I realised that for a long time he held me responsible for his feelings (still does?) and I might have done the same to some extent, but I no longer do that. Some degree of detachment. I feel a bit like I'm keeping him as plan B...
I can empathise so much with this, Dilly. My H is not as bad as he was and nowhere near as sick, depressed and miserable as your H is - but the dynamic is very similar: the constant moaning about self-inflicted problems, the holding of other's responsible, the selfishness. It isn't constant, but it is there and I am reacting to it just as you are: being validating when I can while inwardly rolling my eyes. It isn't nice and I am sure he can sense it.
When you said 'I'm keeping him as plan B' it really hit me hard. I think that's what I am doing to my H too. I didn't think of it that way before - but you're right. I need to think on this.
I hope you have a happy weekend. I'm about to get out in the rain for some outdoors time with Youngest and Dog.
