Gosh Alison, that is hard to deal with. I have kept up with your sitch but not posted for a while. If ever a couple needed MC, it's you two. Marriage is hard and communication is tough, but particularly with your H. I think though that you did have MC a while ago if I remember rightly? It's a bit of a red flag that your H is not going to IC any more (or he is finding a new one? In which case that's probably positive?) You sound like you both want more but don't know how to get there, and you seem to have doubts that your H is capable of getting there. He HAS shown progress though, and it sounds like you have been reinforcing his efforts, that's a positive thing.
I have no advice, just sending some hugs and hope that you two both get to MC and it can start moving things in a positive direction.
