Do you have an attorney you trust? When my ex-wife first obtained an attorney I was worried. I retained good counsel and those worries melted away. There is a balance point--the norm for divorces in your state for your custody %s. The other side can spend hours on a crazy proposal, and mine spends 15-30 minutes finding a good response, e.g. "They'll win that, go with it." or "They're blowing smoke, ignore it."
Hey CW ~
I have good counsel at the ready (and I have the same mindset as you for the type of attorney I would like to have).
I'm giving mediation one chance, going in with an open mind, but I am expecting after the very first session I will have a good idea if it has a chance of working out and can decide accordingly then. Short leash.
One day I will post here more details about some of the more recent things that have happened. Stopping MC (a.k.a. "child safety class") was one of the best decisions I have ever made. One unfortunate (or maybe fortunate) side effect is that communication has ground almost to a halt (not that our communication was great beforehand). W is asking me to agree on crazy things... schedules for the next full calendar year, some wild financial proposals, etc... and I keep responding (e-mail or text "I prefer to discuss this in mediation." On the other hand, she has ignored simple requests I have made for things in the next 2 weeks. It's frustrating but for now I'm deferring it all to mediation.
It is a weird tenuous peace right now. I have less time with the kids than I want, and financially this is an absolute running disaster that is eating up our assets. We communicate here and there but it's just not great for the kids. My W has some fairly lopsided views of what the D outcome will look like, which worries me, because I can't gauge whether or not she's going to go full legal when she realizes her fantasy is unrealistic. I have chosen to defer these discussions to mediation, because in the past she has said I was "out of control" or "angry" or "delusional" in conversations where I was completely calm. So I haven't really revealed much about what I want. I feel like I have been muzzled with all the lingering threats in the last year, and so it may surprise her when I ask for what is basically your standard average agreement.
I think it's pretty simple though. I'll try mediation. If we are far apart, or if she is employing certain tactics, I will choose a different path. I can't be worried about her choice of counsel, or her decision-making. I can't be worried about being the villain any longer -- pretty sure that will be the case no matter how I conduct myself.
