Just had a couple of thoughts to share with you which you can take or leave... one, the parenting thing is so, so difficult, especially in a situation where you're worried about your child. I can imagine that for both of you it brings up strong emotions and is difficult to navigate. Your H seems like he has some real issues of his own that are brought out by your eldest, and while I'm 100% in your corner on the best way to handle the parenting issues, I'm sure it is super hard for your H who doesn't have a lot of coping mechanisms for himself as it is. Kudos to you for not responding with panic or anger. I wonder if contempt is swinging a bit too far in the other direction and eventually you can settle somewhere in the middle where you can better help your H respond appropriately to your child. Also, I wonder if part of your subconscious reasoning to stick it out with your H (at least for the moment) is so that you are present to temper those responses and can support your child. (And maybe I'm reading way too much into all of this... again, for you to take or leave, just an observation from my vantage point.)
Another thought-- even though H is not working together with you as you'd like in selecting an MC, I think it is probably a good thing that he's interested in doing it, and also probably a good thing to keep his IC for him alone so that he has someone 100% there for him. Maybe eventually there will be issues that can come up in MC that he agrees to work on in IC (like the mimicking voices, etc.). Can you do your own research and suggest MCs you'd be willing to see? Also, just for clarification-- is he stopping his IC altogether, or just the idea of you seeing her together?
Hoping your day tomorrow is fun whether he tags along or not!
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
