Thanks BenB

[Mumin]

Back from my business trip. Met W less than 2 hours this morning and then she left...

Anyway, DB has really made me see things more clearly and put perspective on W's actions. Big thanks to EVERYONE!
Some updates on DB since I started posting:
*ZERO contact with W apart from kids homework this past week.
She reached out to me before my trip because of the Corona virus. (caring) I eventually responded "Ill be fine".
*Telling myself detach detach detach several times a day.
*Reading 37 rules as often as I can.
*Will ask a larger share of expenses this month (50%).
*Maintaining at least 2 workouts per week but would like to double that. (Def doable but a hassle with the kids
sometimes)
*Reading posts here (Anyone have a good way of structuring what you have read and not?) as well as reading 2 books

Then on to the big question for me. The house.
I have given this a lot of thought and read your posts Ovr (Big ups!). Why this is so hard for me I think is partly cultural but mostly because of the kids. To explain my feeling - Telling W I will be living here feels like I am throwing my kids out of the house, since they will most likely live with her somewhere else. (I really don't have a problem with how it affects W, atm she can get lost)

However, after giving this more thought I have also come to realize that there is a BIG chance that kids living somewhere else will happen anyway. As mentioned I also am strongly considering buying the house in the future which makes it even more natural for me to live here. And actually less for her. So atm I am trying to find a good way to tell her this and to prepare myself for her responses. Any tips are greatly appreciated!
One thing I have considered is to actually sign D papers and tell her she has 6 months (required for final D since we have kids) to get things settled. "Till then I will live out of the house but I am moving on so you wont see me much when its your time with the kids."

So to the latest update (from today):
I told her I am ready to talk when she is ready but that I am done "pulling" and focusing on her, now I will focus on me instead. (I actually dont think she wants to talk at all and she just thinks things are nice as they are now. So ignorant!) However, I said I feel its time to talk to the kids and was expecting us to do that this weekend. (If she doesn't reach out about this in the next few days I will probably tell the kids myself even though we agreed earlier to do it together (ofc not tell them everything, just that we're having rough time)).

She asked what I meant with focus on me and said I'm reading about relationships, kids, sex etc and want to become a better me.

She said she thinks we haven't challenged/pushed each other hard enough, "friction is good in relationship". I agreed (validated?) and said we didnt have the best platform starting of as teenagers.

I talked a bit more about my thoughts lately. That I have come to realize my part in getting to where we are and also that I am not willing to share her with someone else.
W - "now, you mean?" And I said "not now, not before..."
W - "What happens now and in future is different..."
Abit shocked I said, not different now.. We're still married.
She basically rolled her eyes and said yeah yeah..
After that i said we can talk more some other time.

Oh and I happend to see some "sexy" pics on her phone after she showed me a cute pic of our kids...
My reading here is that the A is in full action.
It hurts me really bad (thought a lot about it today) and makes me furious.

Right before she left she also said She told some people at work that we're having a rough time.
Me - How did it feel, telling them?
W - Felt good to tell.
W - Told them you're the best dad ever and that feels comforting.

The reason she was leaving (she claimed) was a second consultation for a breast surgery that she has scheduled..