May - thank you. I was thinking of telling him not to go. I was avoiding talking about it because of why you said - I didn't want to turn it into an R talk. I think it's moot now.
I have a stressful situation going on at work. I went to dinner w. friends after work, and called H to vent about it (he doesn't know much). He was out with a mutual friend (who has been there a lot for me) and mutual friend was drunk, H wasn't. H said come meet up (also makes a joke about not having a definitive answer about the next bar, and that he knows that him not having a definitive answer for me is the nature of our relationship right now - I laughed). We all meet up at a different bar, and I was down in the dumps re: work situation. H was trying to overly be there for me saying I could vent etc. and that he didn't know if he was making it worse by being there or not, says he loves and cares for me, etc. says at the end of the day he is still my husband (FINALLY he says this). I said it doesn't matter. Proceed to drink more, take friend home, have long convo in the car. H has meltdown in the car about his health issues, he is scared about losing his job, etc. I listened/validated. He then brings up R stuff. I was able to say I don't want to be friendzoned. He says he still feels the same 95% done, but does have some hope inside, and that he had gotten comfortable talking to me more (hence the past week), but is now worried he is going to take a huge backslide due to this health stuff. Was very self loathing at parts - doesn't want to die young, wants to isolate himself so no one is hurt when he dies, etc. I was able to make other points that were important to me - how there isn't a huge difference in how he treats me now vs if we were divorced bc we dont talk much, and how I understand he needs to work on himself and get where he feels he can work on us, but why can't he work on himself beside me instead of away from me? I don't think he understood that. At the end, I didn't really feel better or worse.
I did call to see if he wants to get lunch today - he said no. I wasn't ever able to actually vent to him about work. He said maybe next weekend or the weekend after that b/c he will be in town both of those. I just said OK. I am assuming at this point he will not be contacting me or friends for the parade since he is now wallowing in self loathing alone today, which is fine by me.
