Thanks for the encouragement, may and wooba! My H and his mom have a sort of complicated relationship, which I've realized mirrors a lot of the way H has treated me�he's always wanted to make her happy, and he worries about upsetting her, and they don't talk about how they actually feel or about much of anything of depth. Anyway, there are some issues there, so that I worry any time I contact her now it could complicate things between them or between H and me. But you're right, wooba, it's also an example of me needing to do what feels right to me and not letting fear stop me.
Also, MIL divorced when H was young. According to H, when he told her about BD/his desire for D right after, her response was something like, "If you're like me, when you make up your mind, you make up your mind." Remembering that still hurts a lot. I'm sure I don't know how she really feels about the situation; maybe her feelings are more complicated than she made them seem, but it made me think she rewrote everything she knew about my and H's relationship as well. I still think of her attitude as, "Oh, it didn't work out--too bad! I wish you the best!"
So I did text her, and she responded that it's been a crazy year for both of us (not sure what that means for in terms of her) but that she loves me and always will. She says we should chat soon.
I don't think she really has any idea of how H has treated me the last several months, that he's barely communicated, or that his behavior/drinking has been worrisome. She doesn't live here. I can't imagine actually chatting with her. Maybe if she had reached out to me after BD I would feel different. Right now, I would just feel the need to fight against her outside view of things or convince her things could be different, etc.
