Through The Storm III

[may22]

Hi KG,

On the IC-- I agree with IW that it is good to have someone who will challenge you-- you don't want an echo chamber of someone just validating you and you stay where you are. That being said, ICs are human too, so do keep her past in mind as part of her history and what she's bringing to the table. My exec coach who knows about the sitch was cheated on by her H and they've divorced. He was a total $hit in a lot of ways including financial and so her advice is very much protective, nothing wrong with filing for D right now, etc. Not that she's wrong, but she was clear at the end of our last conversation that she might be projecting some of her history into her advice to me and so I needed to take what worked for me and leave the rest. Just remember this is YOUR life and you don't have to do anything make anyone happy besides yourself at this point, least of all your IC.

Validation is fun! Not yet second nature to me-- I have to be conscious of it-- but I realize I do it a lot unconsciously with my friends already. Need to be more conscious of it with my kids and at work, especially when people are annoying me -- need to take a breath and remember I want to understand where they are.

Excellent about the ukulele-- that is on my list too! We have a couple at home (my daughter took lessons for awhile) and maybe I'll get it out this weekend.

Also, just wanted to say sounds like you're doing really well. Does it help to frame the LC as respecting the space she's asked for? I can imagine that it might-- more an act of love for her that feels better than in the past when you asked for NC and it was for your own protection/well being. If so, I would still want to be careful and thoughtful about what happens when she comes back. I would venture to say that this time is also helpful for you, and if she turns around too quickly before either she's really ready to reengage or you are, just being thoughtful and taking your time in responding is probably a good idea. (Here I go again thinking through various future scenarios that might or might not happen! I'm beginning to realize this is my MO. But there is nothing wrong with taking a beat and deciding things on your own timeline, not anyone else's.)

SC-- the Billy Madison quote is one of my faves too. I tell it to my H all the time when he gets preachy at me. (He gives it back too, so there's that.)