I have to say that Billy Madison quote made me crack up. Thank you for that moment of levity SC!!
Originally Posted by KristinG
SC it doesn't sound tragic when you type out "Goodnight H I love you". I am not ashamed to say I have done this almost every night. We're on day 4 of limited contact. It's been hard, but if it's what ww needs at this time, I am comfortable within myself to take the time apart as a gift.
Hey Kristin - I am on month 12 of limited/little contact. I know our situations are different, but I think it's important for you to know how long this may take. This isn't you, it is WW and her issues.
I say this not to scare you, but for you to realize how much of a marathon this might be.
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My IC is really pushing my thinking. She is not afraid to call me out on my own stuff and challenges my perceptions. There is only thing I don't think I'm comfortable with. She keeps putting pressure on me to consider filing and moving on with my life. She even said that she doesn't know if it's possible to change the emotional atmosphere (sadness, anxiety, loneliness, instability) without filing for D. I have been clear with her about my intentions to stand and honest with her about my emotional state while doing so. I made an off-hand joke about feeling "used to" being exhausted all the time. She was passionate about the fact that we should never get used to feeling that way. She is on her third marriage (no judgement here, it's hard), but I am learning that even skilled therapists can come with some biased views on some issues.
I don't think IC is pressuring you - at least I hope she is not. If she is challenging your views, though, that is a good thing. I thought my IC was also pressuring me a while ago, then I realized she was challenging my views in an effort to get my feelings out into the open, so that I could see what I was truly feeling for myself and so that I could hear it for myself as I spoke.
Those of us who DB and give it their all absolutely do feel exhausted all the time. I am one hundred and fifty percent burnt out living IHS for a year with a WAS who has only pulled further and further away, with only a few spots of light in all that darkness. Giving WAW space in such a tiny house has proven to be my ultimate challenge in life. People are talking about it behind my back and in the open now. Everyone knows and I know they know. It is brutal and there is a high chance that it will not end in a Recon. That's just the nature of it.
It is counterintuitive- it is not supposed to be the accepted norm of "communication" and "talking it out" that will "fix" the R. It is letting the WAS go, letting them have the fantasy that they think will make them happy, and letting them discover if it is truly what they think will make them happy in life or not.
