Learning how to stand, hope, & keep moving

[may22]

Hey Cardinal,

I think I must have responded to your last post on your last thread while you were setting up this one-- just wanted to be sure you caught it over there at the very end.

As I have felt more in touch with the confident woman I used to be, I've had more moments of just believing this will all work out between us in the end—that this is not the end of us, that H will travel his path on his own time, and there will be much groundwork laid for a healthier, open, more fulfilling new marriage. I don't know how to describe it—it doesn't feel like I'm hoping in those moments—it feels like a peaceful knowing.

I kind of feel like this too. But I'm trying to equally focus on being OK with that NOT happening and moving on without him. It is hard to hold both in your head.

I think the only reason I'm hesitating to text her is because I'm afraid she'll text something back that I interpret as hurtful again. Should I just toughen up—i.e. if she does, why should I let it affect me?

Go ahead and text her. If you feel it is the right thing to do, do it. It is kind and thoughtful. Don't worry about what she does or doesn't respond. What is the worst that can happen? She says something like she did last time? OK, so what? Maybe she hopes you're moving on because she cares about you and is embarrassed her son is being such a d*ck, and doesn't want you to be hurt by him. I'm sure she's generally hoping that the collateral damage of his craziness is as limited as possible. Maybe she has guilt-by-proxy since she raised him and now look what he's doing. In the end, it doesn't matter. She's his mom and will always be 100% on his side, whether or not she also is capable of showing you love and support as well. If she is, great-- you're really lucky. if she isn't, oh well-- you're still the bigger person for reaching out and being kind.