Im in a similar boat with the whole contact/no contact thing. I think a lot of us are, because despite the erosion of trust and breakdown of communications, we want to still keep giving small chances to see if our humor, our GAL, our healing, and our demeanor starts to evoke just a little vulnerability in the other person.
It kind of feels like a game of give and take where at moments its very business like, and other moments where the X will ask inquisitive questions about you, about your family, about what is going on in your current life, where they offer nothing about there's and their changes, but want to know what's going on with you. You have to gauge it on the fly every single time. They offer nothing. You give them nothing. They offer you a little something you give them a little something. Its going to go back and forth and feel like a game after months and months of not communicating, only communicating on child or business related stuff, them opening up a little, then retreating and you doing the same. I would think there is nothing attractive about being guarded on both parties, but if they pull away, you should pull away harder, if they cone a little closer then you do the same.
I don't know how effective all this is in the long run, but on one hand you want to show your best self that is moving forward, doing good, focused, and on center. On the other hand. They're business is none of yours and vice versa. The person that used to miss us is no longer attracted to us in that sense. Essentially you don't need to be married, you don't need a relationship, you don't need another person to do the things you want to do or to be happy, you don't need another person in your life to have a good one. You just need... Well? You....
The fact that our SO has gone through great lengths and measure to somewhat remove us, but yet still keep us in their lives goes to show ITS ALL ABOUT THEM, THEIR PERCEPTIONS, THEIR FEELINGS, THEIR WANTS AND NEEDS, THEIR DESIRES, AND THEIR LIVES. Its short sighted. They are most likely thinking 5 years out at best, and willing to take a chance based off of their current experiences, feelings, plans, and fantasies. Doesn't matter if its another lover, traveling like it was Eat Love Pray, a few wellness and yoga classes, or whatever else they GAL with or seek. They are willing to take a chance for a new life without us. There is absolutely nothing we can do to control, act, or manipulate the situation, but be patient, focus on ourselves, regroup, and rebuild.
Even I myself in the midst of all this have been asking myself as of lately. "Where do I want to go without XW? What do I want to see? How do I want my life to look? Is there more freedom, choice, and experience and potential that life has to offer with or without them? Will my imagined experiences be similar to reality when I experience them?" Some of these situations work out for the better because people realize how much the other is improving, and realize the loss. Some don't and take a gamble with starting over. We marry on promises based on potential, and we also divorce based on that potential as well. A lot of people aren't patient enough to wait it out for 3 to 5 years. Feelings changes, trust changes, habits change, people change. There is nothing you can do, say, or think to sway another person to stay or recommit. The heart wants what it wants, when it wants it. Doesn't always make it right or sound. Just human nature I guess.
But the best thing you can do is position yourself to take daily action to improving yourself. Just keep in mind. Stand up for your self your morals and principles. Command respect. Be pleasant, and don't do anything to further worsen the situation. If something whether it be an email, text message, phone call, doesn't require a response. Let it go. Keep interactions to a minimum. Keep responses to a minimum. If someone wants out. Let them go. They have to return on their own volition, and we have no control over that. That is why the losses that they get, they must feel over 2-5 years. Because the grass could be greener to them once they experience it. Or? It may not be. They might come running back with bread crumbs to bait us. You might be done by then? Their loss, your gain. You re gain of peace, improvement, travel, growth, comfort, independence, etc. A lot of people aren't willing to tolerate the good the bad and the ugly in M, most just want the good. In their world everything is supposed to be on the up and up. That is why they walk. So let them live it and find out for themselves.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
