Trials and tribulations of dating

[TBSakaJ9]

And no sex G or going back to someone's house either

[kml]

I wouldn’t assume it was purposeful. I had a Love Avoidants friend who wouldn’t make a date until the last minute because he couldn’t be sure he’d still want to go when the time came if he set the date days in advance.

It’s also possible that his evening just opened up suddenly.

But I do agree, there’s a risk that if you’re available for a last minute date this early, he’ll take you for granted. If you’re busy tonight he’ll get the message that you have a full life - and possibly other suitors - and he’d better step up his game.

I, like you, hate playing games, but the times when I have genuinely been unavailable have been he times when men put in more effort. They do like the chase.

[LH19]

Why no sexy time?

[TBSakaJ9]

Date 3 or 4........make him think about it. Especially since he is not reaching out a ton and making last minute dates.

[DonH]

Wow there is Hope here in Krazytown - at least for some. I thought for sure after claiming you were going to make guys work for it you’d jump at whatever he offered and when he got around to offering it. Glad the guys suggested and you are trying something different.

My gut tells me, by putting myself in his shoes, he’s interested but not by a lot or is not sure. When I was sure, like wild girl or the online accident girl, I pursued. When not sure and pushing myself, like with most women lately, I put in little effort and asked Friday AM for that night - and only because I felt I should and thought I’d at least give it another chance.

For sure no sex or ANYTHING beyond goodnight kisses. Why? You really have to ask why LH? BECAUSE HE HAS NOT EARNED IT!!! That’s why.

[LH19]

Don I was joking about sexy time.

[Ginger1]

Well, all of a sudden he seems more interested. He even made a comment “too bad you have other fun plans tonight” and I said “ too bad you waited a few hours before to ask me out” he said “true dat”

Is he not that interested? I don’t think that’s it. I think he’s trying to play some game but doesn’t know how. He’s a little dorky like that.

I already know he wants to have sexy time with me. And he will not be getting until he earns it. I’m simply not feeling it yet.

I said no to tonight because I shouldn’t be jumping because he invited me. He waited too long and I’m not last minute plans.

I have to treat myself with the worth I expect other people to see in me

[LH19]

Ahhh you decline he pursues. Interesting???

What do you have to do to earn sexy time? Is there a points system?

[kml]

I don't think he was playing a game - he just wasn't being aware. Now he knows he has to make plans with you in advance. It's like training a dog. He'll get it. (Unless he a hopeless Avoidant but he doesn't sound like one).

[Dawn70]

I agree with kml….I don't think he was playing a game either. He may just be rusty on the whole dating thing and just didn't think about it. But, you are SO right about treating yourself with the worth you expect others to see. You MUST know and act like you are worth it or you'll fall back into old patterns of being too available and too eager. I said earlier, it would be one thing for him to ask you out day of if y'all had actually been dating for awhile and he just spontaneously asked and you spontaneously agreed, but this is date #2, not date #22. Maybe he's just out of practice and he'll get better. I'm not saying it is your place to teach him or help him or nurture him or whatever other word someone might use, but just realize that some people just do not have "game" so to speak ( and I don't mean in the sense of playing games, but in the sense of being smooth and confident and in control).