Newlywed and in crisis

[funbun]

I think all of us come into marriage with unexamined assumptions about what marriage actually is. I know I did - the nature of the culture might be slightly different but the transition feels similar to me: this really isn't what you expected and it probably isn't what she expected either and you're both having problems.

I think your counsellor is right. It sounds like your wife lacks maturity which makes a marriage impossible. She won't get maturity by delegating her growth to either her husband or her parents. And, I'm sorry to say, if you step back and let her handle it on her own - as your counsellor advised you - then her parents are likely to step in and carry on babying her. There's not a thing you can do about that and it is horrible. I think you should just package up her things and drop them off with her, continue to be polite to her at work, let her know you won't stand in the way of a divorce if she wants one, and distance yourself from her parents.

I agree with you Alison. It's hard to pinpoint what exactly went wrong with W that caused her to breakdown and then BD. If I were to put my money on it, it would be on the fact that she's is having difficulty with the transition into married life. She plunged into depression because she lost her old life and is afraid of this married life, for whatever reason. Now she is using me, vilifying me, in order to justify getting out of this two months old marriage. I didn't even get the chance to properly show her what this married life could be like. I had only four days. A shame. Though some would argue it wouldn't make a difference even if I had that chance.

From my understanding, she is not a WW nor a WAW. As the others have advised, the only good move here is to distance, let her sort out her s***, I take care of myself, and make sure the road back home is smooth.