One of the things that IC said that resonated with me was "You should trust your W to have the capacity to handle all of this on her own". I had the notion that being the husband, the man of the house, I have to take responsibility over W (culturally too, that is expected here in my country). I learned that some problems are not mine to "own". I can help or offer advice to an extent, but not in a way that jeopardizes my well-being.
I think it's really helpful that you're having these type of conversations, and that you can be reflective on what about the way you've been taught or the ideas you've picked up along the way needs to be reframed or rejected, and what you can keep and take with you into the future. I think we all have to do this, no matter what culture we've been brought up in. I think it is very possible for marriages where there is a 'man is the head of the household' model to thrive, for both parties to feel respected and equal and for there to be no co-dependency. I think for that to work, the woman especially needs to have reflected on it carefully, understand what she wants and commit to it. Perhaps your wife just didn't do that. Perhaps she's having trouble with the transition of being led by her parents and now, being led by you - and this is why the trouble started so soon after marriage, when the moment of that transition was so clear.
I think all of us come into marriage with unexamined assumptions about what marriage actually is. I know I did - the nature of the culture might be slightly different but the transition feels similar to me: this really isn't what you expected and it probably isn't what she expected either and you're both having problems.
I think your counsellor is right. It sounds like your wife lacks maturity which makes a marriage impossible. She won't get maturity by delegating her growth to either her husband or her parents. And, I'm sorry to say, if you step back and let her handle it on her own - as your counsellor advised you - then her parents are likely to step in and carry on babying her. There's not a thing you can do about that and it is horrible. I think you should just package up her things and drop them off with her, continue to be polite to her at work, let her know you won't stand in the way of a divorce if she wants one, and distance yourself from her parents.
