Still feeling really bad about my break up with Jack. I just so hate hurting him and being excited about reconnecting with Brook makes me feel even worse. I knew in my heart of hearts that we were not a good match but I went there anyway. And the more I got to know him, the more I had this nagging feeling that it needed to end. There were so many things... his awkwardness with my kids and my friends, his lack of concern about his appearance (T-shirts’ and jeans with holes in them and not the kind you pay for), his disregard for my feelings when it came to responding to my texts, his lack of interest in my inner world, etc... Every time I called him my boyfriend, the word just felt awkward. He wasn’t a partner in the way that I need. He didn’t communicate, he wasn’t verbally affectionate (just physically), and he made my friends and family uncomfortable with his lack of social graces (simple things like saying “hi” and smiling when he walked into a room with people in it). He had full access to my life...I had almost no access to his. At the end of the day, I think he was far more interested in how I made him feel than in how he made me feel. But despite the mismatch, he did help me take that last step in healing from the breakup of my marriage and I will be forever grateful to him for that. So hurting him really sux.
Talking with Brook just really underscores how much I was missing with Jack. Every time he texts me, the first thing he wants to know is how my day was. When I reply to him, he takes no more than two minutes to respond and if he stops texting, he tells me why. He is interested in what I think and how I feel. He is positive and encouraging and straight forward. He is thoughtful and he is happy. He loves his family and is there for them. He also loves his job. He has a strong social conscience and gives back. He volunteers his time. He is a big fan of This is Us!!! That’s big with me...lol.
Sadly... he is working all weekend cause he missed some shifts earlier this week due to his uncle’s death. So no date this weekend either. On Saturday it will be three weeks since we last saw each other. Feels like six.
Great to have my sister back. Spent some time this evening playing pool. Uhhhh...we need to practice if we want to do well in Vegas...lol. I will focus on that while I wait for the universe to clear a spot for me on Brook’s calendar. Really hope that will be soon. (((HUGS))) to all.
