Thanks Tim and Dave for the support. I know I really need to work on the whole differenciation thing. Reading the threads does indeed help.
I think what set me off was that I had initiated sex twice recently. The first time was great, everything worked well, lots of passion and desire. The second time started well, yet unfortunately ended as an absolute disaster with me in tears (dissappointment, frustration, not pain). He gets some, I don't. So for the past 1.5 - 2 weeks I haven't even felt the wispyest hint of desire from my body, nor did it seem that H noticed or wanted to either. Then, out of nowhere my H decides he wants some and abruptly turns a bit of fondling into lets do it, just as I'm finally deciding to get my act together, get out of bed and do something worthwile with my day. All of this without a word on his part to let me know he'd changed gears and give me a chance to transition into a making love mindset, so that I might actually be part of this whole grand adventure. Thus H is 3/4th's the way done before I even get to the starting point or even realize that he wants the whole enchillada this time and I'd like to accompany him. I was even starting to get somewhere, yet there he is, done, I get nothing and S5 needs a parent.
Anyway, the other night I think the SSM and all life's other baggage just dumped on me and burried me for a bit. I know H really does love me. He does tell me daily ILY, he's here, he does most things I ask him, he's willing to stop what he's doing to be with me, help me, or take care of a child. He does feed my primary LL of touch wonderfully. Sometimes he does the most incredibly wonderfully thoughtful things that make me completely forget my frustrations and reminds me how much and why I love this MAN.
