Hi, may and wooba—thanks so much for sharing your thoughts here! I do see this as a decision that will be different for each person, and reading your perspectives is helpful, if anything in reminding me I'm not alone. Like both of you, I think, I want to be able to turn desire mode on in my life, and to really get in touch with that side of myself that used to be much stronger and braver. It is a 180 I want to make with or without H.
Since H has moved from totally withdrawn mode like your H now, wooba, to more friendly, I think about initiating a lot more. But I also know this shift in him has made me realize how far I still have to go in releasing any expectations surrounding him and R.
may, I have been following your sitch, and I'm sorry I don't post more! I've been feeling ill-equipped to give any advice to anyone lately. I seem to remember your H also having resentment about your expressing desire for him now, after years of the SSM. Right around/after BD, when I expressed to my H that I did/do desire him, he seemed really hurt and angry that I hadn't expressed this to him enough before. I think he'd been holding on to a lot of resentment I wasn't aware of, so I was met with the too little, too late attitude. Words vs. actions though--I never tried to act differently. Hmm.
I suspect I'm not detached enough to try anything without expectations at this point; I could imagine his not being responsive to it affecting me more than it should. But also, that's the kind of thing that hurt our R in the past—I wasn't brave enough to initiate! He didn't initiate, but he had expectations and didn't communicate them to me. Grr. Circles, again...
