All I got from WAW when she decided to S was that she needed space. In the absence of any more information than that, all I can do is beat myself up over things I wish I would have done differently, times I wish we didn't argue, times I regret not being a better partner.
SteveS ~ I think the lack of feedback is a normal experience for many LBS.
I think beating yourself up is too strong. Use the time to work on yourself, including evaluating what you think you contributed to the failure of your MR.
But always keep in mind relationships involve two people. Even if she sent you a list of all your faults, would that really help? If you fixed every one of those faults, would your MR be fixed?
Originally Posted by SteveS
I'm trying to get through the rest of the day by telling myself that it's not over, and that really, nothing has changed. What she told her cousins was probably how she felt all along, and while it hurts that it was said, until I have papers in front of me, it's all just conversation. Some people do change their minds when they're right up against it. Some people go through with it, and realize that it didn't make them happier, that it's not what they wanted.
I'm sorry you are going through this. You got punched in the gut. It is a reminder you are still tethered to her emotions.
When all you get is a request for time and space, and you grant that request, and then you look from afar and she appears content and happy and you have friendly interactions, I understand how that can sustain hope.
On the flip side, this exposes you to feeling gut punches when you find scraps of evidence that counter your hope. You are just a ship in a stormy sea being tossed around by whatever YOU perceive is going on with HER. Scraps of evidence are found - some of them seem pretty cut and dry.
The closer you can get to letting go of expectations, the better you will feel. You WILL be okay regardless of what happens. You are a smart, successful, thoughtful guy, living in one of the greatest cities in the world.
Letting go of those expectations is not easy. I'm not there yet myself.
She told her family something, at some point, possibly it's really how she feels, possibly it was a fleeting emotional thought.... should it change how you approach your day?
Hang in there, buddy. You are in a tough limbo situation, it's not possible for every day to feel like sunshine and rainbows.
