You sound like you are doing great at detaching and GAL .
Haha nope - but I'm good at faking it! I smile and head out and try my best to be happy while I'm out, but my heart is breaking on the inside. Then I come home upbeat and happy.
I'm torn, because in reading DR, it talks about looking for the signs that what you're doing is working - he's more engaged with me than he has been in months, so that's a sign. But then he flips the script and talks about S/D. It's almost like when he tells me that he hasn't changed his mind, that he's trying to convince himself of that, not me.
which is possible. I think he finds you a more safe place now to talk to, etc. So it could be working.
You described what your husband was attracted to in the OW. Yes, my H did the same. She was older than me, frumpier, I have a better body, but she was super confident and active and took control of her life.
So fine, we can do that too. But not for him FOR YOU. For us. Men are attracted in general to confidence, passion (as in being passionate about something in your life), authenticity.
I started with the way I walked. I stopped walking like a sad sack with my eyes on the ground and my shoulders slumped (I don't mean to be hard on myself, my life was freaking hard and I was heartbroken). But I started walking with a confident step, I looked face forward with an open, receptive look on my face, I let my hips move. I started to be back in my body. I tried to stay in the present. As I walked I would focus on things I was happy about. Even the blue sky. It began to ripple in other areas of my life. It had a surprising effect on my husband. He would start to catch my hand. The important thing about detaching is I would think, if he does fine, if he doesn't fine. This is for me. My happiness had to stop being about him. And I did this "walk" whether I was alone or not.
The best thing about this experience CM, is that you have an opportunity to reconnect with yourself. Who are you? What happened to the exciting woman who got lost with kids and the mundanity of life? Find her! I promised to never lose myself again. I began to take long walks/runs in the morning, I found out I like to hike, I started taking way better care of my body. I found out I don't care much about make-up but I like to invest in skincare. Do you know I took a trip to Europe by myself? I would not have done that before.
Focus on you!
I stopped wondering why I wasn't enough and why I wasn't the OW and started telling myself I was awesome and I am a catch. Your brain will believe what you tell it. I told myself my future was mine and it would be happy. It took a while, but I believe it now.
He will either wake up and realize you are a catch, or you will realize you aren't that interested in a guy who isn't faithful when things get hard and goes to walmart and sits in the basement.
You may have mistaken me for someone else My husband had an affair, but it was 7 years ago and she was younger, skinnier but yes, more confident!
I have totally changed the way I walk, and stopped apologizing for everything.
Detaching feels like a full time job - I'm constantly challenging my thoughts and it can be exhausting!
I am taking small steps - going out tonite with friends and tomorrow with friends and kids.
I actually caught him checking me out on Tuesday which was a huge shock and ego boost!
My husband had an affair, but it was 7 years ago and she was younger, skinnier but yes, more confident! 
