Thanks KG! . H ended up dropping the dogs off last night. He had texted saying he was leaving his city, and I was busy and didn't respond, so he called about 30 mins after that. He was super sweet and chatty, said he needed to know if he should give his mom a head's up if I wasn't watching the dogs, which I feel was a complete lie? Either way, he then asked if he could pick me up a special food item from a place between my city and his. I said thank you, that's thoughtful, and only if you're stopping anyhow. He then had to get off the phone due to a work call. The whole thing was just odd and so different than the past several months. I came home, ran, cleaned up the house. I'd had an incredibly frustrating last hour or so of work, so was already pretty keyed up, and just freaked out and didn't know what to expect.
When he got here, he didn't hug me, but stayed and chat some about work. Asked if I was going to running group tonight, or a different similar social activity. I said I wasn't sure, as my foot hurt after my run tonight. He said OK well I assume I will see you some time while I am here. Said he was tired, his back hurt, etc. He said he applied for a job opening in his office, and then for 5 others in different states. I said "what am I supposed to take away from that information?" But, he did the 5 other states as a bluff to his bosses....so OK, fine. He went to leave, and gave me the irritating side arm hug. He then walked towards the door, finished his glass of water, put the dish in the sink and hugged me again (same annoying side arm hug - which I totally ignore and do a full embrace to LOL).
It felt like how it felt months ago. It wasn't awkward, per se, but felt guarded to me, but maybe only because I thought it'd feel different after the past several days of chatty phone calls. Sometimes his tone is flirty on the phone, but never says anything flirty. I didn't cry when he left, but did have several ugly mean feelings that I just let myself feel. I thought I'd feel somewhat better this morning, but I only kind of do. I felt pretty angry last night - like why do I want to remain married to someone so immature and selfish, why would I get a crap side arm hug from my H who I haven't seen in an entire month, maybe he thinks he's doing me a favor by bringing the dogs here but it's just one less thing he is now responsible for this weekend, why does he just assume he will see me instead of trying to make actual plans, etc. I could spend a ton of mental energy dissecting why he did or didn't do stuff - maybe he is waiting for his meds to talk to me/be around me more (very probably tbh), he said he wanted to sleep in before his doctor's appt tomorrow which he knows he can't do here really, his mom's house is closer to the doctor's than our house, it's safer on the phone to talk and he needs to get comfortable again in person more, etc. etc. - but would rather not spend mental energy on it. I am glad that this occurred last night and not closer into the weekend so there will be some time lapse before we see each other again.
I did at least NOT mention going to dinner or planning something, nor did I remind him he can stay here, so that was a win for me - I guess.
