Would it change anything you have done or are doing if every single person thought you a fool? Its what you want that matters (although again make sure your D is ok if it gets near there) and none of them have walked in your shoes. Hold your head up high and own your decisions.
There is a guy on the net who hawks some materials on MLC (which I wouldn't waste money on). Anywho, he suggests there are stages to a reconciliation/return. Something like this:
1. Chaos--I want nothing to do with you; 2. Being civil; 3. Neutral--thank you for that; 4. Girlfriend--can you help me with something; 5. Testing--I need you to do x,y,z for me right now; 6. Affair behavior--wanna do lunch; 7. Wake up--I'd be crazy to lose her.
Again, who knows if its valid. Seems reasonable. My point being there probably is a stage where you feel like the OW and you have to decide if you will tolerate it and for how long.
I think in terms of your list, what about his financial interest in the OW condo. I hope he is actually on the deed. Don't forget that is a biggie to deal with. Also, I read back through your thread. I had forgotten the number of affairs and the length of the behaviors. I also saw that kml suggested a 12 step sex addiction program (for men). I hope that is a boundary that you will set, because it sounds like he could greatly benefit from it.
The guy who wrote the book on male depression (and I believe is on the approved list here--but just in case shows up as the first hit for me on amazon when I type in "male depression") talks about how many depressed men with dual diagnosis/addictions are often effectively helped through 12 step programs initially. It seems like with yours, this could be a big help.
It took a long time to get here for both of you. You have lots of life and time in front of you. Take it nice and slow and make sure that he is going to exhibit positive trends and isn't just engaging in a game of brinksmanship because he sees the barrel of the gun pointing at him on the divorce.
